- If you set fire to LMFAO they'll become ROTFLMAO. #
- RT @Failtext: I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back. #
- Lol http://t.co/whnMag1e #
- Genies #Fun #Humor #Humour http://t.co/kqzvqLhr #
- Mullet Approved, Awesome !!! http://t.co/wCwn6wuj #
- Not recommended by the fire departments for home use! http://t.co/khdBXf2E #
- You In ??? http://t.co/GlvSTduV #
- LMFAO http://t.co/d7tvN14w #
- http://t.co/6Psj0G7I #
- RT @EpicTweets_: I'm not a morning person, Do not pull the covers off me, I will kill you. #
- RT @NathansReality: The problem with reality is a lack of background music. #
- RT @Laughbook: Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday? #
- RT @EpicTweets_: Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyones bathroom looks like 1 mirror at a time. #
- RT @NathansReality: If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass! #
- RT @NathansReality: A whore is like a bowling ball. She gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. #
- RT @EpicTweets_: I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken. #
- RT @NathansReality: Ghetto wet floor sign – Caution, Bitches be trippin. #
- RT @JordyHamrick: How many beers do I have to drink to get girls to notice me
# - RT @Failtext: I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. #
- RT @NathansReality: How do you handcuff a one-armed man? #
- RT @TABS1969: Once I care about you, you are so fucking screwed. #
- RT @C0NFESSI0NS_: Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. #
- RT @idillionaire: When shit goes down and sides are taken, you find out who was real and who was fakin. #
- RT @funnyoneliners: Some of us are wired differently, I think you should sue the contractor.
RT @pummelopeel # - RT @NathansReality: 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash-Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash. #
- RT @funnyoneliners: The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
RT @calluptome # - RT @SarcasticRylie: I have trust issues, and I'm pretty sure my bathroom scale is a fucking liar. #
- RT @NathansReality: Remember kids, it's only illegal if you get caught. (: #
- RT @EpicTweets_: Remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? …WOW, what the heck were we thinking? #
- Maybe turtles move slow because they're depressed they can't hug. #
- RT @NathansReality: Enough with the procrastination, it’s time for excuses. #
- Wonders if anyone who has ever worked in an office with Chuck Norris regrets asking him for his three hole punch? #
- RT @GreenLikeCash: I'm really good at multitasking as long as I don't have to do anything else at the same time. #
- Family member calls me at 3am……. U Sleeping ??? Uh No, I'm friggin' scuba diving !!! WTF ….. #
- RT @ItsLifeNotes: A friend is someone who believes in you, even when you’ve stopped believing in yourself. #
- RT @NathansReality: My penis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit down. #
- RT @NathansReality: You know you're telling a good story when random people start wandering closer to listen. #
- RT @Laughbook: Google must be a woman, it knows everything. #
- RT @joshcomers: I'm never more invested in whatever's on a TV than when I'm alone at a bar. #
- RT @NathansReality: Cool story bro, wanna hear mine? Once upon a time I didn’t give a fuck. The end. #
- RT @technopriest5: I don't need a groundhog to tell me I'm not getting any pussy for the next 6 weeks! #
- Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. #
- Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. #
