Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-05-16

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-03-28

  • RT @technopriest5: Reality has been my only blind spot for years. #
  • RT @NathansReality: When I'm bored, I text a random number saying "I hid the body…now what?" :3 #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-03-21

  • RT @MDHOY: Theres nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper. #
  • RT @rodney_at_large: Irony is dry humping in the rain. #
  • RT @EpicTweets_: Dear CHINA: Do you have an AMERICATOWN over there? Sincerely, people from AMERICA. #
  • RT @campydraper: My favorite zombie movie is Weekend At Bernie's 2. #
  • RT @NathansReality: I can't decide whether I want to be a good example or a horrible warning #
  • RT @EpicTweets_: You know those night when you can’t fall asleep? Could it be because you’re awake, in someone else's dream? #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-03-14

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-02-08

  • If you set fire to LMFAO they'll become ROTFLMAO. #
  • RT @Failtext: I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back. #
  • Lol http://t.co/whnMag1e #
  • Genies #Fun #Humor #Humour http://t.co/kqzvqLhr #
  • Mullet Approved, Awesome !!! http://t.co/wCwn6wuj #
  • Not recommended by the fire departments for home use! http://t.co/khdBXf2E #
  • You In ??? http://t.co/GlvSTduV #
  • LMFAO http://t.co/d7tvN14w #
  • http://t.co/6Psj0G7I #
  • RT @EpicTweets_: I'm not a morning person, Do not pull the covers off me, I will kill you. #
  • RT @NathansReality: The problem with reality is a lack of background music. #
  • RT @Laughbook: Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday? #
  • RT @EpicTweets_: Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyones bathroom looks like 1 mirror at a time. #
  • RT @NathansReality: If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass! #
  • RT @NathansReality: A whore is like a bowling ball. She gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. #
  • RT @EpicTweets_: I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken. #
  • RT @NathansReality: Ghetto wet floor sign – Caution, Bitches be trippin. #
  • RT @JordyHamrick: How many beers do I have to drink to get girls to notice me :( #
  • RT @Failtext: I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. #
  • RT @NathansReality: How do you handcuff a one-armed man? #
  • RT @TABS1969: Once I care about you, you are so fucking screwed. #
  • RT @C0NFESSI0NS_: Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. #
  • RT @idillionaire: When shit goes down and sides are taken, you find out who was real and who was fakin. #
  • RT @funnyoneliners: Some of us are wired differently, I think you should sue the contractor.
    RT @pummelopeel #
  • RT @NathansReality: 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash-Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash. #
  • RT @funnyoneliners: The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
    RT @calluptome #
  • RT @SarcasticRylie: I have trust issues, and I'm pretty sure my bathroom scale is a fucking liar. #
  • RT @NathansReality: Remember kids, it's only illegal if you get caught. (: #
  • RT @EpicTweets_: Remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? …WOW, what the heck were we thinking? #
  • Maybe turtles move slow because they're depressed they can't hug. #
  • RT @NathansReality: Enough with the procrastination, it’s time for excuses. #
  • Wonders if anyone who has ever worked in an office with Chuck Norris regrets asking him for his three hole punch? #
  • RT @GreenLikeCash: I'm really good at multitasking as long as I don't have to do anything else at the same time. #
  • Family member calls me at 3am……. U Sleeping ??? Uh No, I'm friggin' scuba diving !!! WTF ….. #
  • RT @ItsLifeNotes: A friend is someone who believes in you, even when you’ve stopped believing in yourself. #
  • RT @NathansReality: My penis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit down. #
  • RT @NathansReality: You know you're telling a good story when random people start wandering closer to listen. #
  • RT @Laughbook: Google must be a woman, it knows everything. #
  • RT @joshcomers: I'm never more invested in whatever's on a TV than when I'm alone at a bar. #
  • RT @NathansReality: Cool story bro, wanna hear mine? Once upon a time I didn’t give a fuck. The end. #
  • RT @technopriest5: I don't need a groundhog to tell me I'm not getting any pussy for the next 6 weeks! #
  • Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. #
  • Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. #
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